Beat Armageddon This Fall

According to the Mayans, the party’s over this year on the 21st December. Now, you could sit tight and wait for hell, fire and damnation to come down and kick your sorry arse to kingdom come, or you could take matters into your own hands. For those that can’t wait to see what happens in 9 months from now there is, fortunately, a handy book that provides a bunch of interesting options for the early adopters of armageddon:

I got this wonderful tome as a ‘Secret Santa’ present at work years ago. Was someone dropping a hint? They’ve probably been made redundant since then so I don’t care anyway.

Gems from this cornucopia include:

1. Extreme Road-Rage

Serena Sutton-Smith, a middle-aged woman who, after hitting a fellow car driver in her Vauxhall Nova, rammed into the car again and kept her foot stuck on the gas pedal. She blew out a tyre, and as the wheel hit the tarmac, sparks flew and the car set alight. She continued to sit there venting spleen at the world as she burned to death.

2. Drinking yourself to death

Well not quite. Jack Daniel, the creator of the world’s best bourbon, arrived in his office to find he couldn’t open the safe. In his frustration he kicked it, causing his toe to go septic, and he died a while later.

3. Being left handed

More than 2,500 left-handed people are killed each year using tools designed for right-handed people.The most dangerous tool of all for south-paws? Powersaws. You read it here first people.

4. Fire Eaters Spit, Don’t Swallow

But Vlad Cazacu did. He accidentally swallowed the flammable liquid fire eaters use to create their art. He then belched, setting light to the fumes and literally blowing himself up.

For more exciting death options get the book!


One thought on “Beat Armageddon This Fall

  1. The half-Mayan tour guide we had at the Mayan ruins of Tulum said that the Mayans did not, in fact, predict the end of the world, it’s just time to reset the calendar. He said other people who don’t understand the Mayans are the ones who claim they did. He also said the round calendar with the sun depicted in the middle is Aztec, yet that is the one you see pictured on most doomsday shows. The actual Mayan calendar shows a person carrying a heavy burden in the center.

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