Ultimate Jobs in 2011

Thinking of a new direction for 2012? Job getting you down? Stuck in a rut? You could try a move into one of these career paths.

Portuguese weather forecasting…easy

1. Weather Forecasting

In the UK weather forecasters are renowned for having no idea what the weather will be like, so they start their forecast by telling you what the weather has been like.

Our weather technology is amazing, with super computers, 3D graphics and the like, but the forecasters always cover their arses by waving their arms about to show where it might snow/rain/hail and temperatures range from zero to thirty degrees. No one has a clue. Even the newscasters don’t believe the drivel they come out with –

So if you want a job that has no accountability and requires no obvious skill in meteorology – try being a weatherman or woman!

2. Economist

When economics was invented it was probably just a bunch of drunk Greeks in Ancient Athens taking the piss. Unfortunately it took off and ever since we have been in thrall to a group of charlatans who have managed to weave mathematics and sorcery into a kind of secret club of evil.

And of course they get away with it because no one else understands any of it. Check this clip to see what I mean:

3. Celebrity

Of course if you are crap at numbers then the two suggestions above won’t work for you. So why not try being a celebrity. You don’t need talent. You don’t need a brain. You just need a tan and white teeth. You know you will have succeeded in this career choice when you get your own reality TV show. It’s like a virus. Its spreading. It began with people who were trying to regain former glory and now its ended up with the girlfriends of people who used to be famous eating eyeballs in a jungle.

You could be a celebrity…

In the UK the undisputed Queen of Celebrity is Katie Price – glamour model (ie Page 3 girl), novelist (ie someone else writes the stories), fashion and perfume designer (ditto). Her life has been documented on TV since she went on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. And she is worth more than £40 million. Yes that much.

Good luck. But I’m going to stick at what I do, whatever that is…

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